Colbert: McCain 'diss' forces me to lie about his taint
David Edwards and Muriel Kane
In his guise as a right-wing pundit, Stephen Colbert launched into a stirring defense of Republican presidential candidate John McCain on Wednesday, first handily reconciling the contradictions in his statements on the economy and then enthusiastically supporting his right to lie in his campaign ads attacking Barack Obama.
"McCain is not just fixing the economy," Coblert suggested "Recently, he has devastated Barack Obama by pointing out that Obama called Sarah Palin a fat ugly hog and offered legislation requiring kindergartners to watch their parents doing it doggy style."
"Thanks to these ads, McCain's campaign is picking up steam," insisted Colbert. "But of course the media's attacked him -- just because that steam is rising from a giant pile of fresh bullshit. Listen to this liberal smear-monger."
Colbert then played a clip of Karl Rove stating, "McCain has gone in some of his ads ... beyond the 100% truth test."
"So why did McCain release those ads with such an ugly tone?" Colbert asked. "Folks, he had no choice."
According to McCain's own explanation, "The tone of this whole campaign would have been very different if Senator Obama had accepted my request for us to appear in town hall meetings."
"That is just Emily Post 101," commented Colbert, pretending to quote from an etiquette book. "If you don't accept someone's invitation, that person is 'obliged to destroy you with a brutal and baldfaced collection of lies.'"
"For the record," continued Colbert, "John McCain has not accepted my invitation to appear on this show, so unfortunately I have no choice but to spread horrible lies about him."
"Here we go," Colbert warned, launching into a breathless stream of accusations. "John McCain wants to harvest the organs of sleeping toddlers, injects Red Bull into his taint, and is determined to run a campaign based on straight talk and decency."
"Whew," Colbert concluded, wiping his forehead. "Thank God, none of that is true."
This video is from Comedy Central's The Colbert Report, broadcast September 17, 2008.
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